My Wandering Dad

(hang in there, there is a poem at the end)

I was six when my parents broke up and eventually divorced.  That was back in '54.  Dad tried to hold things together but mum and her family were pretty bloody minded about the whole thing and in the end he left.  He left Western Australia where we lived and went to stay with his brother Harold in Sydney for a while.  The last Harold saw of him... anybody from both families, saw of him for that matter, was when he put my dad on a Qantas flight heading for NZ.

I often wondered through the years what happened to him, and then aunt Josie, his sister in England, got in touch and she tried as best she could to find out his whereabouts.  I got enthusiastic for a bit and then my enthusiasm waned with the lack of clear results and our endeavor went by the way.

Well there I was at my office desk some three years ago in 2007, and uncle Harold phoned and said he had contacted dad.  This was only 53 years after he left mind you, so it was like a bolt out of the blue.  He asked my permission to pass my phone number on... and then he said - "and if he wants to, he will phone you.  It's been a long time."  So with that sorted I wondered what would happen.

I didn't have to wonder long, because 3 days later, again, sitting at my desk, the phone rang and the voice said "G'day son, this is your dad".  People have asked me how I handled it, whether I was emotional or whatever, and I guess I was just a bit casual about it... a little emotionless really.  I've thought about it and think that my reaction  could be described in terms of me walking down the street and having a total stranger approach and say the same thing.  I would look at him, take a step back, smile and say - "Oh! Really".

But anyway, a long story shortened goes like this:

We chatted, covered a lot of ground, felt our way around the relationship, and ended the conversation with a promise to do it again really soon.  Then the phone calls came.  You see my dad had married a Maori lady, Erena who he met at a Friday night dance in Auckland, NZ.  She was from the far North of NZ, from Pamapuria, just South of Kaitaia.  As it was in those days, the Maori elders were tough and he had to jump through hoops in order to marry Erena.  But now?... Now I was the proud owner of four brothers and three sisters.  It's OK!  I can hear you saying "half brothers and sisters"... but Maoris aren't like us.  Being the beautiful, family oriented people that they are, I was now the older brother of eight children; none of this half brother and sister stuff--and the phone calls affirmed that.  Instant acceptance is how I would describe it.

But didn't he cop some flack!  My mother and I were a deep dark secret that he had kept from Erena and his children.  Doug, the oldest of his children with Erena, was really upset and told him so.  He told me, when we eventually met that he was upset because he had an older brother that he could have known, but was denied the opportunity because of dad's secrecy.

Barb, the wife of his  second oldest boy from Erena, was interested in genealogy and had tried to piece some history together.  Every time she got close to the early '50's, dad turned very vague and she couldn't get a thing out of him.

But!  Learning from the various phone conversations about dad's heart condition, I figured that the sooner I actually met him the better, otherwise it may be never.  And so, because he was staying with Doug, who was living in Brisbane, I took a flight as soon as I could and met him and my new found brothers and sisters.

I found out that his youngest daughter Josephine, who had been working in a bank in Australia, had accidentally come across his brother Harold's account and address details, and because of the unusual surname, had concluded that he must be a relative and phoned him.  Well that led to Harold ringing me... and you know the rest.

I went to Brisbane, I think, three times in all and then dad was leaving NZ to come to live with Doug in Brisbane, Queensland.  The airlines wouldn't take him because of his heart condition and the need for oxygen, and so he traveled by cruise ship to Australia, with a couple of carers.  We never got to meet again, he died from a massive heart attack en route.

Anyway, here's the poem...

My Wandering Dad

I knew him not when growing up

This wandering dad of mine

My mum and dad, they parted

Their hearts were not entwined

Mum’s family were rough and strong

And soon my dad was through

He flew away to Kiwi shores

This dad I never knew

I gave him up for dead you know

After few determined tries

The Salvos, brothers, family

He just vanished in the skies

But think of this, he married

Started up another life

He met a girl named Erena

And took her as his wife

Soon the children came along

Less one they numbered seven

Life was good when growing up

The Homestead was their heaven

But through it all they never knew

About their other brother

The first one, you know how they say

My brother from another mother

But talk about good timing

And a lot of chance events

It was Jo and Uncle Harold

That began to mend the fence

The fence that cut me off there

From this wandering dad of mine

Was advice he got from elders

“Shut your first life from your mind”

So now when I just found him

He’s wandered off again

It was so short, but time well spent

A family is my gain

So sleep now dad you’ve earned it

Sleep beside your darling wife

There’s no pain where you are lying

You’re both awaiting your new life

A new life in God’s Paradise

A paradise earth sublime

You know, we say thy Kingdom come

Kingdom come!  It’s nearly time!

So though you’ve wandered off again

I know we’ll meet for sure

I’ll have lots of things to tell you

And you’ll wander off, no more

endnote -

"Salvos, brothers, family" - The Salvation Army, uncle Harold from Sydney and aunt Josie in England

"he vanished in the skies" - on a Qantas flight heading for NZ.

"minus one they numbered seven" - there were actually eight children but Sharon, the firstborn died shortly after birth.

"the homestead"  - the large family home bordering on a park with a creek running through it, is still standing in Neilds Rd, Manurewa, a Southern suburb of Auckland.

"It was Jo and Uncle Harold that began to mend the fence" - Jo's efforts in the bank and Harold calling me.

"advise he got from elders" - Maori Elders; he had to jump through hoops in order to marry Erina.
"Sleep now dad you've earned it" - according to the Bible, the wages of inherited sin from our first ancestor Adam is death - Romans 6:23
"Kingdom come it's nearly time" - the next line says "thy will be done one earth as it is in heaven"... so after the kingdom comes, then the original purpose of a paradise earth will be realised, and man's experiment with self rulership which has cause so much grief since the beginning will be over.